Qn: What type of Listener are you?

Ed and I are Mos Burger fans and we loved their burgers and thick & creamy soup a lot. Yummy.. Unlike other fast food joints, we feel that Mos Burger is the only one that is value for money and definitely their burgers are much more innovative & tasty than any other fast food joints. Well, it is not exactly a healthy diet, hence Edmund and I have a pact and sworn not to go there more than once a week.  Our “MoSSy” craving came today and we decided to grab a quick lunch there.

Once we reached the joint, it was totally packed as it was lunch hour. Seems like an unspoken rule, Ed went to get our orders while I try to find a seat for us. I spotted a two seater beside a office wear attire couple and went to grab it.

While I was waiting for Ed, I can’t help but overheard the young couple’s conversation. (They are so near to me, I don’t mean to eavesdrop  :-p)

Anyway here is an extract of their conversation:

    Guy: I think I screwed up in the morning presentation. I don’t think I make a good impression with the Boss.

    Girl: Huh, how come you screwed up? Thought you spent so long to prepare it… aiya, if I know you going to screw up, I should have asked you to go shopping with me yesterday..

    (I raised my eyebrow at her response and managed to have a quick glance at the guy, his face colour definitely doesn’t look good)

    Guy: I don’t know, I was very nervous as I did not expect the director to be there too. That time I checked with my boss and he said it is only for the team

    Girl: But the director also human.. why you so scared? Never mind la, anyway it’s over, no need to think so much. I got to go back office in half an hour time, let’s faster eat ok.

After that, they eat in silence, and obviously the guy still doesn’t look that good but just continue to eat. They left shortly and as Ed did not manage to catch this in action, I decide to share the short encounter with him and this became our “lunch topic” for today.

Through this brief encounter, I realized that a lot of couples might have a similar experience with their partner. It is not that the partner is not empathic or a woodblock, but just that their listening skills is filtered in the sense that they tend to listen to things they prefer to hear and respond accordingly. They neglect the important messages that their partner is relating and thought everything is fine. Well, I have to admit that I am guilty of being such a person at times, especially when I am real busy, and if Ed talks to me, his  words will just fleet past me and I will fumble a short response to him.  However, I made it a point that whenever I sensed that Ed needs my attention, I will drop immediately whatever that I do and lend him my ears.

Yes, you would have guess by now. Listening skills is the building blocks of establishing a good relationship. It is the most basic but yet important skill to building up a strong relationship with your partner. It is also a form of respect for your partner and you need to let your partner know that you do care about them. So if they are willing to share, you must listen!

I have listed down the Types of Listener that most of the people are, so read through and assess what type of listener are you. Once you understand the type of listener you are, you can improve the communication between your partner and yourself. Happy assessing and have fun working on your listening skills.  =)

    Filterer – You are a selective listener, you only hear what you wish to hear. Once you hear something that is not favorable, you switch off to that particular topic.

    Mind Reader – You form your own assumptions and try to figure out what your partner means through their tone of voice, body language or body expressions. You disregard what your partner is telling you and ignore the real contents of the conversation.

    Justifier – Your desire to be Right always overwhelm your partner’s voice. You tend to accuse, justify or make any excuses to avoid being said you are wrong.

    Dreamer – You stop listening and drift into your own thoughts especially when your partner speaks on certain topics. This happens most often to couples who have been together for many years.

    Rehearser – You got caught up ‘rehearsing’ in your mind what you are going to say next that you did not hear what your partner is telling you.

    Advisor – Your urge to ‘fix’ the problem becomes so strong that before your partner can complete what he/she wants to relate, you begin to offer solutions and advice.

    Sparrer – You listen but sole purpose of hearing is to disagree, defend or debate. This is prevalent in many troubled relationships as they get very defensive whenever their partner speaks of anything.

    Placater – You are afraid of conflicts and agree too readily to whatever your partner says. You are concerned of being nice and supportive and did not give your partner sufficient time to express their thoughts.

    Derailer – You avoid listening to your partner’s real concerns especially on touchy topics that you would like to discuss. You change the subject or laugh it off quickly.

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About Ed Jen

Ed and Jen, the authors of datingchapter.com, is a lovely couple managing their own Professional Dating Consultancy and sharing their thoughts on finding the *Sparkles* in Dating, Relationships & Lifestyles as well as Quick Tips on getting your ♥~Perfect Match~♥ on their Blog. Please feel free to connect with us at Google+
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