Most of the time, when we are in a relationship, especially in a long term one, we tend to get a little annoyed at certain behaviour/actions of our partner for example, he/she do not wash the cup after using, having late nights etc.. well being a human, it is perfectly normal that we would be emotionally affected when some of our partner’s pet peeves do not corresponds with our lifestyle, values or beliefs.
Hence inevitably, many of us feel that we should CHANGE our partner or expect our partner to CHANGE for us ! It may be you want them to do a little more contributions towards the household chores, exercise more, complain less, or sleep earlier etc.
There is nothing wrong with all these expectations, but how do you actually effect that change in your partner?
Finally it drills down to having a effective communication! Let your partner know that you want the BEST for them. Phrase your words carefully and try to “coax” them to adopt the change. Instead of saying “You should be sleeping earlier, late nights are bad for health”, you can say “I am worried about you having late nights all the time, you should try sleeping earlier”. Of course, give your partner time to effect the change and do not expect them to CHANGE overnight!
Last but not least, remember that if you expect your partner to CHANGE for you, you must be prepared to CHANGE for them too. For example for lifestyle changes, start the ball rolling by making efforts to eat healthier or get more workouts etc. After all, two is better than one! This would then motivate your partner and strengthen your relationship with one another since more quality time would be spent together.
By doing so, it then demonstrates your willingness to alter your behaviour and shows your commitment to your relationship. In fact, studies have shown that when a person is motivated to be in a relationship and wants it to work, he or she will readily change to be more like their partner! Most of the time they will not even notice themselves when they do so!
– JEN –